Sunday, 30 May 2010

Somehow I always knew I was destined for greatness.....

I'm not a believer.  In fact I'm what you would call more of a militant atheist.  I do not believe in any form of religion whatsoever and, in fact, the thought of organised religion enrages me disproportionately.  The fact that a mere superstition can hold such power in an otherwise sensible country like the USA, for example (although there are other countries to choose from, including most of Africa), just beggars belief.  To me, such blind devotion to something that doesn't exist is nothing short of mental illness.

To be honest, I really don't care if this offends any of my readers because - frankly? You can do better than this.  The Enlightenment freed our minds from the straitjacket trappings of the Church and showed us all the wonders of the Universe through the eyes of science. So why voluntarily choose to live in the Middle Ages?

But, today, something happened.  Something weird.

As you probably know, I have an allotment, about which I blog separately (read it here).  The Lovely Husband is away this weekend so I decided that I would spend a decent amount of time there trying to catch up with the weeding and stuff that I couldn't do when I had a god-awful cold earlier in the month. It's a weird thing, this gardening/allotment lark - you can spend every daylight hour breaking your back digging, bending, weeding, hoeing, watering and it always looks like you've done bugger all.  To say it's frequently disheartening is an understatement. But I have faith that it will all come together, as it usually does.

One of the jobs I had to do today was to earth up my spuds -  it involves heaping up extra soil to cover the leaves of the plants as they break through the ground surface.  While I was doing this, my trowel caught on something.  I scraped the earth away and saw something shiny and, sort of, layered.  It was a similar size and shape to those cloth books they make for kids, which is what I first of all thought it was.

Finding a kid's cloth book buried in my potato patch would be weird enough.

But this was way weirder.....

It was a whole bunch of religious photographs.  What the ......?

Yep, a load of photos, in a pile, buried in the middle of my potato patch.

I KNEW it - I knew I was different to all the other kids at school and this was it, this was my message from God.  I'm obviously a modern-day Joan of Arc.  Obviously.  Why did I ever doubt?

The message would be in the photographs (click on them to make them bigger).

There was a crucifix:


I'm not about to nail myself to a cross for anyone, so we'll just ignore that one....

There was the Blessed Virgin Mary balancing atop a big vase of flowers:

A neat trick, to be sure, but one I'm not going to be able to master.  That or Immaculate Conception, which I have tried.  True story.

There was Jesus who was also doing an impressive flower-balancing act:


And then I found The One:


Stands to reason I'm being told that I need to go out and burn some priests. Father Asbestos you ain't.  Right, that's it.  Enough of this banter, I've got God's Work to do - anyone got any matches?

8 comments:

Alienne said...

They're in the post. You can start with the church at the end of my road. Please.

Deb said...

That's just....weird. I'm a militant atheist, too, so I understand where you're coming from. I hope Joan of Arc's ashes are not in that bonfire on the last photo.

A Woman Of No Importance said...

Weird, and wonderful! Go dig some more this weekend, you might find the Ark of the Covenant...

No, wait, that was Indiana Jones! ;)

Mrs Jones said...

Alienne - I'm on my way!!

Deb - It was deeply bizarre and rather fabulous. As soon as I saw them I thought 'Woah - blog post alert....' Not your everyday find in the veg plot.


Ms No Importance - well, I am a trained archaeologist (truly) as well, and me and Indy share a surname so I think you might be onto something.....

katyboo1 said...

But this is fantastic. You are so good. After that It would have looked like swiss cheese land in my allotment while I dug everything in a five mile radius to see what else was under there! Perhaps you have religious potatoes. When you dig them, cut them open carefully in case the face of Jesus looms out at you!

Mrs Jones said...

Ms Boo - it's genuinely the most peculiar thing that's happened to me for a very long time, if not ever. I'm banking on having religious potatoes containing if not the face of Jesus, then perhaps one of the 99 names of Allah (peace be upon him) written within courtesy of eelworm infestation. Or something.

Brown Dog said...

How extraordinary! A message from beyond indeed. What on earth (in earth?) were they doing on your allotment? Perhaps they were preventing your potatoes from growing and making it look as though you were doing b*gg*r all. But strangest of all is that photo of the priest and the bonfire. Do you suppose that piece of paper he is holding contains the words to Ging Gang Goolie? And what is that peculiar scissor-shaped implement lying on the ground next to him? Very strange. I would indeed be a bit spooked if something like that happened to me. Oooh-errr.

peevish said...

Wouldn't you love to know the story behind the photos, and how they got there? Your garden plot has been consecrated with strangeness.