Given half a chance I would spill the beans about everything about me. I seem to lack a natural internal filter and often have to think very carefully about what I write in case it falls into the category of Too Much Information or You Can't Say That, People Would Be Hurt! So there is much that you don't know about me but which, unfortunately, I really cannot write about. Which is a bit of a shame because I'm going to struggle to find a list of seven things about me that you don't know that also won't make you lose the will to live from boredom. So I can't discuss, say, my stepmother, or my mother's previous husbands, or what I did with lovers from the past, or how I came to be arrested - you know, all the really interesting stuff.
But a list has been demanded following the bestowing of a new award upon me by the ever-fragrant future Canadian immigrant, Ms Katyboo and it would be rude not to at least try:
I cannot bear the taste of celery. It truly is the Devil's vegetable. I do, however, adore crunchy vegetables - cucumbers, for example, so you'd think celery would be on every shopping list. It also has a useful shape for shovelling quantities of dip into your gaping maw - another point in its favour, perhaps, but only if you've no taste buds in my opinion.
I have a tattoo. It was done in 1985 when there was a trend amongst the twenty-something girlfriends of mine to get one. It's about five inches long and is of a lizard. I'm not sure I particularly like it now but don't dislike it enough to do anything about it. I have been toying with the idea of getting another somewhere, of a Swift or three, racing across the sky. I could, I suppose, have something like that worked over the lizard but it would end up having to be a big piece. Dunno. Will have to think about it.
I have/have had/probably still have Poly-Cystic Ovarian Syndrome. This is why I have no children despite years of trying and three rounds of 'fresh' IVF with two rounds of 'frozen' IVF in between. Apart from the infertility, PCOS has some other delightful symptoms, such as increased weight gain and hair growth. I'm at least 2 stone (28lbs) overweight that I seriously cannot shift, other than by complete fasting (either voluntarily or nil-by-mouth in hospital whilst recovering from a bout of Pancreatitis), which I don't recommend. I'm also a very hairy girl. Seriously, I have feet like a hobbit and I'm slowly cultivating a beard that would put Captain Bird's Eye to shame. So after years of plucking and waxing and bleaching to little avail, I've decided I owe it to my future crone self to get this seen to properly and am therefore undergoing laser hair removal. This is not a lot of fun and is not especially cheap but needs to be done. I've had 4 sessions so far and there is some improvement. If you want to ask any questions about this, feel free to ask them.
I've been on a single. A proper, 45rpm one. As you know from previous posts, I used to sing and play sax in bands in and around Guildford during the 1980s. The last band I played with before hanging up my sax for good was Steel Bill and the Buffaloes - a hugely enjoyable bunch of people to play with and almost more fun than you can imagine. A whole world away from the po-faced, cooler-than-thou, cheekbones and pointy shoes bands I played with in the very early 80s - the Buffaloes wholeheartedly embraced the concept of dressing up and having a laugh on stage. We became very popular with the Students' Union crowd at Surrey University and it's always great to play to an audience that actively likes you. We didn't 'make it'- although Steve Griffiths, the very charismatic lead singer, went off to Australia and was recruited to join the Australian Doors Show as Jim Morrison. We used to save up the money earned from gigs and put it towards recording costs and eventually enough money was raised to record and press a single. It was called 'Four Fleas on the Dark Dog of Night' and had four tracks. I was still married to The Artist at this point so am listed under my previous married surname of McInnes. Occasionally you still find copies of it available up on eBay, as there is at the moment, but doing a Google search for it for the purposes of this posting, I was astonished to see that someone has actually gone to the bother of uploading three of the tracks onto Youtube! So, if you want to hear us, here is Louis the Buffalo, Cardboard Church and Laura's Secret Garden. I don't play on all of them and whoever uploaded the tracks gets the lyrics wrong, but - hey - I'm on Youtube!
My eyesight is not the best - I've worn glasses since I was 18 and I have a certain amount of tinnitus - presumably from years spent in deafening rehearsal rooms or on stage or at gigs - so my hearing's a bit iffy, but my sense of smell is shit hot, always has been. One of things I would do, if I could live my life all over again, apart from training as an opera singer or a proper silversmith, is be a parfumier. I used to make 'rose water' when I was little but it was a bit rubbish - putting dead rose petals into water doesn't actually make anything smell of Turkish Delight, much to my disappointment.
I know I'm 2 short of the list but it's taken me all afternoon to decide on the above and I need to go and do other things now. If I can think of anything else, then I'll add it but don't hold your breath!!
I'm meant to pass this on to at least five to ten other bloggers but everyone I would send it to has already done it so feel free to grab this for yourself and do your own list, if you feel the need to share....
The Menopause Diaries
2 hours ago